And other things I’ve been wondering lately:
* If Barack Obama were named Barack Osanta, how long would it be before the GOP tried to repeal Christmas?
* Will teenage girls abstain from sex after watching Bristol Palin on “Dancing with the Stars”? (Will they abstain from watching TV?)
* Is there a single Tea Party story in all of journalism that doesn’t have either “brew,” “stir,” “boil,” “strong” or “weak” in the headline? How do you explain the oversight?
* When Harry Reid of Nevada calls Kirsten Gillibrand of New York “the hottest member” of the Senate, does he increase public belief in global warming? (How about John Boehner’s tan?)
* Do Harry Reid’s latest comments show him to have:
a) A sense of humor?
b) A sense of style?
c) No sense at all?
* If Republicans are on the verge of capturing the House of Representatives when a recent poll has them at a 20 percent approval rating, would they do even better if they were doing even worse?
* Bob Woodward reports in his latest book that Hamid Karzai, our man in Afghanistan, is a manic depressive. Why does that not surprise you?
* Is it better to have a president who’s dubious about what the military tells him, or a president who swallows it all without question?
* Would you rather have Bob Woodward inside your tent spitting out, or outside your tent spitting in?
* If Barack Obama’s hair is this gray after only two years, what will he look like after four?
* What percentage of the things Newt Gingrich says does Newt Gingrich actually believe?
* They threw Jonah overboard to calm the seas. Will throwing Larry Summers overboard have the same effect on the economy? (What if Larry Summers is the whale?)
* If “terrorist attacks that didn’t happen” is a valid measure of George Bush’s post-9/11 success on national security, why isn’t “jobs that weren’t lost” a valid measure of Barack Obama’s success on the economy?
* If somebody bought Mahmoud Ahmedinejad a necktie, would he wear it? And for that matter, how does he always manage to have a six-day beard?
* If -- according to a recent survey -- most Republicans prefer congressmen who don’t compromise with the other side, while most Democrats prefer congressmen who do, doesn’t that pretty much explain everything?
* If Christine O’Donnell keeps running for office to raise enough money to pay for her rent, does that make her a “career politician”?
* How difficult is it for Democrats to run for re-election while they’re curled up in the fetal position? Is “Afraid of Our Own Shadow” really an effective campaign slogan?
* In the middle of the night, does John McCain ever regret not choosing somebody boring for his running mate?
* Has there ever been a more perfect melding of person and platform than “Sarah Palin” and “Twitter”?
* Now that the new health-care law means your children with pre-existing conditions won’t be denied insurance coverage, do you suddenly feel like a socialist?
* When people talk about “the elites,” do they really mean “the informed”?
* In 25 words or less: Why might it not be the best idea to make minority rights depend on a majority vote?
* What does Nancy Pelosi do for fun? How about after January?
* If you had a choice between spending an evening with Harry Reid or spending an evening with Mitch McConnell, would you shoot yourself?
* If tainted eggs can spread salmonella, can tainted salmon spread eggstacy?
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Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at email@example.com.