Rick Horowitz

Sarah's Verbal Essence

            “We are facing tough challenges in America, with some seeming to just be hell-bent maybe on tearing down our nation, perpetuating some pessimism and suggesting American apologetics...”

                                    Sarah Palin, in her farewell speech as Alaska’s governor

 

            “So how ‘bout, in honor of the American soldier, ya quit makin’ things up!”

                                    Sarah Palin, same speech, addressing the media

 

            “How could we make this stuff up?”

                                    The Media

 

            “I’m makin’ stuff up.”

                                    Rick Horowitz

 *   *   *

             “Hey, everybody -- everybody calm down and find yourselves some seats and we’ll be starting in right away. What an absolutely beautiful day it is, and it is my honor to welcome you to the first class or what some would call the inaugural class, even if that has a different meaning sometimes, here at the Sarah Palin Academy for Really Fluency.”

            “We love you, Sarah!”

            “And right back atcha! And it’s a real pleasure to be carrying that true Alaska spirit soaring through the rest of this great American country of ours by the dawn’s early light. Now -- ”

Gates in Cuffs: Scenes from "Post-Racial" America

            Two guys I don’t recognize trying to force the front door of the neighbor’s house? You bet I’d be suspicious.

            Would I call the cops? If I were a good neighbor myself, a conscientious neighbor, I probably would. At least I’d like to think I would. After all, somebody’s breaking into that house -- I can’t just sit there and do nothing, can I?

            And I’d like to think I’d make the call no matter how dark or light the intruders’ skin tone happens to be. But I don’t know that. I can’t be sure that’s how I’d react.

            Especially when I don’t happen to know that one of the two dark-skinned guys trying to force the front door of my neighbor’s house is: my neighbor!

These Health-Care Numbers Could Make a Man Sick

             Suddenly, Data Man has a number of problems.

            Or maybe we should put that the other way around: Suddenly, Data Man has a problem of numbers.

            And now we get to see what he’s made of.

            Data Man goes by other names, of course, and by other numbers. The name “Barack Obama,” for instance. The number “44.” But Data Man will do nicely. Has there ever been a president so attuned to, so reliant on, so respectful of the pitter-patter of data points?

            “Show me the facts,” his every utterance suggests. “I’m cooler than ideology. I’m all about reason. I won’t let my beliefs -- or your beliefs, for that matter -- trump the awesome power of evidence.”

            Which makes it a particularly damaging blow when the number crunchers at the Congressional Budget Office (or as it’s always phrased, the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office) take a look at the assortment of health-care-reform plans now floating around the Capitol and declare -- we’re paraphrasing here:

            “Nope.”

Sharp Minds, and Empty Suits: The Judiciary Committee in...Action

             There are senators on that Senate Judiciary Committee who actually seem to know what they’re talking about.

            They ask pertinent questions.

            They sound as if they’ve seen these pertinent questions more than 30 seconds before they ask them. (They may even have had a hand in drafting these questions.)

            Once they ask their pertinent questions, these men and women do something truly remarkable for a United States senator: They listen to the answers. They even appear to understand the answers they’re hearing.

            And once they’ve heard and understood the answers, they’re able to follow up with additional questions and comments -- responsive, related questions and comments -- that move the discussion still further along.

At Sotomayor Hearings, Some Like It Simple

  

  “I will not vote for, and no senator should vote for, an individual nominated by any president who believes it is acceptable for a judge to allow their personal background, gender, prejudices or sympathies to sway their decision in favor of or against parties before the court.”
            Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-Alabama), at the Sonia Sotomayor hearings

    I am truth.
    I am certainty.
    I am facts -- facts as they are, not as some might wish them to be.
    I am objectivity personified.
    I am White Guy.

    When I see things, I see them clearly, and without distortion of any kind. I see all things, and hear all things, and I overlook nothing. I assign each thing I see, each thing I hear, the importance it deserves -- neither more nor less. My judgment in these matters isn’t judgment at all -- it is the simple recognition of reality. Any judgment that differs from mine, to the extent it differs from mine, does not reflect reality.
    I am White Guy.

Quick on the Draw -- and the Overdraw

             A toast, please, to technology, which makes our lives so much smoother and easier. Faster, and more flexible.

            Without technology, life itself would be a constant struggle. With technology, we’re free to discover new and exciting ways to slip on the banana peel.

            Or am I getting ahead of myself?

It's Sarah, for Better or for Verse

            In Sarah-land so far away, where polar bears and tankers roam,

            It doesn’t matter where you’re from -- a palace or a mobile home.           

            They have their way of doing things, it’s not like any other state,

            In Sarah-land the rules are diff’rent from the Lower 48.

                         

Sanford Shake-up? Nothing Could be Finer Than a Job in Carolina

POSITIONS AVAILABLE

 

Executive Assistant -- Chief executive of prominent southern state needs experienced staffer to oversee all office and personal activities. Primary responsibilities will include keeping accurate track of governor’s whereabouts at all times, and assuring that governor does not travel beyond state borders unaccompanied by security detail, wife and/or children. Familiarity with GPS, surveillance tactics a plus. Knowledge of Appalachian Trail not necessary.