Rick Horowitz

The First 100 Days -- There Are Milestones, and...

             Cable news -- the really early years:

             “Welcome back, and good morning from Washington, where we’re going to spend the next hour much like we’ve spent the past several hours -- the past several weeks, in fact: talking politics.”

            “That’s right, Matthew. It’s all part of our wall-to-wall coverage marking 100 days since the swearing-in of America’s ninth president, ‘Old Tippecanoe’ himself, William Henry Harrison. Our regular panel of pundits and spinmeisters is on hand to bounce things around, so let me get started with James. One hundred days in, James -- what say you?”

Credit Card Summit: "Charge!"

             First thing they did, they tried to charge him for their time. These were busy people, after all. They ran the banks. They issued the credit cards -- millions and millions of credit cards. It wasn’t as if they could drop everything and come rushing to the White House just because the president decided he needed to see them right away.

            So they charged him what their time was worth. (Their time was worth plenty, they all agreed.) Then they tacked on a little extra for the inconvenience. And a little extra on top of that, just because they could; they called it the Presidential Presumption Charge.

Torture, Done in Our Name

            They said yes, and yes again.

            That was the point. That was the whole idea.

            The interrogators from the CIA would describe what they wanted to do, or had already done, to certain prisoners in their control, and at the “Justice” Department, a handful of lawyers would find a way to declare that whatever the interrogators had done, or were about to do, to those prisoners was just fine.

            No problem. Even when it was torture.

            Especially when it was torture. That was the whole idea.

Obama, Ubiquitous in Chief

             Once upon a time, there was a given. Now, a given is something we all know is so -- or at least something we all think we know is so.

            A given, says the dictionary, is “something taken for granted.” It’s “a basic condition or assumption.”

            But what happens when a given turns out not to be a given after all?

            “The President of the United States must not be overexposed.”

Cuba Policy: Time for a Change? (Not So Fast!)

             Click.

            “ -- and he’s also expected to sit in on the president’s daily national-security briefing, as well as certain Cabinet meetings, as his busy schedule permits. Walt?”

            “Thanks, Marcia -- that’s going to be one very plugged-in pooch. More of our exclusive coverage of that new White House puppy coming up at the top of the hour, and of course, you’ll want to catch tonight’s prime-time special, ‘Bo on the Go,’ at 9 Eastern, 8 Central. Some great insights there, I’m sure. Kyra?”

            “Thanks, Walt. Well, the White House isn’t the only building in Washington where big changes are taking place these days. Our own intrepid Lara has burrowed her way into a rarely viewed corner of the Nation’s Capital, where she’s standing by with a gentleman who may be less than thrilled with some of the latest diplomatic announcements from the White House. Lara?”

Humble or Bumble? Obama's New Diplomacy

             If the Bluster Years are really over, what’ll we do for fun?

            I mean, what’s the point of being the Number One country in the whole wide world if you can’t tell the whole wide world where to stick it? When the going gets tough, the tough get pushy -- that’s the way it’s always been, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

            And all of a sudden, we’re supposed to...listen? To them?

            We’ve got more weapons than anybody. (We’ve got more weapons than everybody.) We’ve also got responsibilities in every corner of the planet, not that we asked for them -- it just comes with being Number One. And the first responsibility, in every corner of the planet, is to take no guff. What we say goes. What we want we get, or we’re taking names.

            And now all of a sudden, we’re supposed to find...consensus? We’re supposed to try to see things from somebody else’s perspective?

            Where’s the fun in that?

Formerly Famous: Bush Makes His Pitch

            “It was a strike,” he says. “A perfect strike.”

            And then, just in case she wasn’t listening, he says it again, with a little more volume.

            “A perfect strike.”

            She looks up from her book.

            “That’s nice, George.”

            “And it had something on it, too! Not one of those lollipop throws you always get from those other guys.”

G-20: I See England, I See France...

            [Joint Communiqué -- an early draft...]

            We the undersigned signatory nations, having convened here in London as the “Group of 20” for the purpose of discussing the current state of the world economic system, and for the further purpose of considering certain adjustments to that system, which we acknowledge is in crisis, with serious implications for the nations represented here and for the rest of the world as well, do hereby issue this Joint Communiqué to summarize the various conclusions and recommendations arrived at after frank and cordial discussions among all participants.

             Conclusions and Recommendations

            * This mess is not our fault.